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Help For When Ghosts Bring You Down

I spent yesterday in a dark (metaphorical) hole. After my mom died last February, the process of clearing out her house started a furniture chain reaction that ultimately left me with— surprise! Extra furniture in my garage. Since the furniture was perfectly good— just unneeded by us—I posted it as free on Facebook Marketplace and other online sites. Thus began my mood descent. 

In the past, giving away free stuff has felt good, as people who needed something were happy to get it, and I got the pleasure of knowing it was “going to a good home.”  My mom would have loved that. That is why I was surprised at my experience yesterday. I didn’t mind the people who texted questions about the furniture and didn’t reply. But I felt upset when people said they were coming but never showed up–no message, no update, just complete “ghosting.”

As I processed my crankiness, I considered the impact of Cultural Patterns, which are all the messages we receive growing up from our family, community, and the media about what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. From the perspective of my Cultural Patterns, ghosting felt rude and thoughtless. I value integrity—do what you say you will do, or at least communicate if the situation changes and you can’t do it anymore. That is integral to the Collaborating Skill of Honoring Agreements.  I even tried to create agreements—asking people to please update me if the situation changes, here is my phone number, etc. But in my heart, I knew that these were not real agreements because they never agreed to them. 

 tried empathizing about what might be happening for them.  Maybe they were so overwhelmed with financial or family problems that they had no energy to communicate with this person who was only an online name. Perhaps they forgot. Maybe they have social anxiety.

Hypothesizing about their Cultural Patterns and trying to empathize with them only took me so far.  I went to my Instagram feed, where I follow several accounts with uplifting videos.  What really helped lift me and dispel my bad mood was this video from Senator Cory Booker.

Cory Booker looking off to the right

Senator Booker reminds us of the powerful Resilient Mindset of Choice.  We have a choice in our attitude, how we show up, and the energy we bring to the world. With such a well-timed nudge,  I decided not to let a few “Halloween ghosts” dampen my energy or enthusiasm!  


How will you use your Resilient Mindset of Choice today? 


With Resilience, 

Meri and the Dovetail Team 


P.S. Let’s continue this conversation in our online community! (Join here.) Have you been “ghosted?”  And what did you do about it? Share your thoughts about this topic and many others. Let us know what would be helpful to YOU!  

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