I was one of those lost kids in school. Growing up in a military family, I was uprooted and moved every two years all the way through high school. I had multiple ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as being the lost child in an alcoholic family. I ran away from school in 3rd grade, I failed 6th grade, I had suicidal ideation in middle school and succumbed to drugs and alcohol in high school. By the time I finished high school I thought I was a slow learner at best and dumb at worst. My academic self-esteem was in the gutter.
As a transpersonal psychologist, I have seen how so many children, like myself, can get lost in the education system. Without professional development or guidance, many educators don’t have a sense of how to reach kids who fall through the cracks. Reaching hurting children requires authentic relationships, which takes intention and skill. We Are Resilient™ for Educators is designed to help educators create the type of relationships that will help all children, especially the lost ones.
The We Are Resilient approach helps educators first understand themselves better—what are their Protective and Cultural Patterns that might be hampering their ability to connect? It then provides three mindsets and three sets of skills that can be practiced to become better at centering themselves, connecting with others, and collaborating with students, families, or colleagues. The approach provides educators with tools to manage their own stress, improve their relationships, communicate more effectively, and experience more happiness. All of that can lead to more effective teaching, a school climate that fosters belonging, and fewer children falling through the cracks.
Bonnie Benard, a resilience researcher, says that 70% of traumatized people learn to thrive. I am lucky to be in that 70 percent. As a professional psychologist, I’ve seen too many people fall through the cracks — to addiction, eating disorders, depression, and suicide — not to mention so very much lost learning by kids like me.
The good news is we are all resilient when we tap into the magic inside us. What Anne Masten calls our ordinary superpower:
Resilience is an Ordinary Superpower. It does not come from rare and special qualities, but from the everyday magic of being human.
Most of us have had an experience of being hijacked from our most resilient self and we also have the experience of bringing ourselves back to center, to balance. For me, it was athletics that first taught me how it feels to be balanced and to succeed. I learned to swim like a fish at 3 years old, I started martial arts (judo) at 6 and karate at 16, was on three varsity sports in high school, and was a world-class rock climber by age 21. Though I first dropped out of college, I eventually discovered that I love to learn and now life can’t keep me from learning. I had to move from being a victim of my circumstances to seeing myself as master of myself, author of my life.
My martial arts study continues today and as a black belt in Aikido— the peaceful martial art— I work on three things every day, the three core sets of skills in We Are Resilient.™ I practice Centering myself, Connecting with partners, and Collaborating together in learning to live life well. At Dovetail, we call these personal resilience, relational resilience, and group resilience. By practicing, I continually learn how to help make the world work for everyone.
The next time you see a lost child, or a teenager caught in drugs/alcohol, think of me. There is a miracle wanting to be discovered inside every child.
We Are Resilient™ an Open Education Resource so it is available to everyone. It can help all of us reach out to those lost children among us.
“Working together, we can heal ourselves and generations to come. It’s all of us; We are the cure.” – Dovetail Learning