On August 8th, my husband, Rio, and I celebrated 16 years of marriage. Over these years together, we’ve faced some of life’s most challenging moments. We’ve lost loved ones, including both my parents and Rio’s father. We’ve moved nine times, twice to entirely new regions where we had to build a new community with our young children. The first eight years of our marriage were marked by underemployment, struggling to make ends meet, and the anxiety of maxed-out credit cards at the grocery store.
I vividly remember one particularly tough time. Rio had been offered a new job in a different city, and we decided to take the leap and move, hoping for a better future. However, I wasn’t working, and finding a job in the new area proved more difficult than anticipated, especially with two young kids. Our savings quickly dwindled, and we were living paycheck to paycheck. One evening, standing in line at the grocery store, I anxiously calculated which credit card might have just enough credit left to cover our groceries. The stress was overwhelming, and my husband and I often felt on the edge. Resilience is what carried us through.
I know how essential the Connecting Skills have been in nurturing our relationship. During tense moments, we always found our way back to each other by connecting. The Connecting Skill of Noticing Others helped us at our lowest points, helping us see how we both were carrying the heavy weight of not knowing if we would make enough to cover the basic expenses each month. That led us to the Connecting Skill of Heartfelt Listening and taking time each week to talk through how stressful our financial situation was together. By listening with open hearts, we were able to Empathize and Choose Kindness, which allows us to Speak Authentically and navigate the crises.
The Connecting Skills not only helped us during challenging times but also allowed us to savor the joy in between: the dance parties when our kids were little, the hikes and sunsets, the endless game nights, and the laughter over silly jokes. These moments and the Centering Skill of Finding Gratitude have been the glue that holds us together.
Thankfully, life has gotten easier. As we look ahead, I know life will continue to present challenges, but I also know more joys will come. I am excited for the next 16 years, whatever they hold. Here’s to love, resilience, and the journey ahead.
Which Connecting Skills could help you to love your journey ahead more fully?
Kristie and the Dovetail Team