Recently, I was wondering how to best support my wife. (Does that sound mature or what?!) Let me explain.
Now, not to put all the blame on COVID, but I think we can agree that the global production and supply chain was easier before COVID. Things have been disrupted. This new reality is an insanely powerful professional stressor for my wife and her team. Because of this, I can feel my Hyper-Caretaking getting activated. This makes me want to blame her colleagues and the production teams out of the country as well as give her boss a ‘piece of my mind.’ None of this will help her, but it will create more destabilizing energy and strain on our Relational Resilience.
When I use the skill Noticing Myself and become aware that Hyper-Caretaking is pulling me off-center, I actually find that using a Connecting Skill: Empathizing, helps me to find my center.
So much of what she is dealing with is out of her control and mine. I wish I could ‘fix’ things for her, but I can’t. What IS in my power is activating my Resilient Mindset, Choice, to choose Empathizing. Through Empathizing, I can move my Hyper-Caretaking into caretaking and do the grocery shopping, give hugs when there are tears, and buy some flowers. When I am Empathizing, I can honor the new complexities of her job with, “I’m sorry, that sounds hard,” or “You are doing a great job Speaking Authentically on your zoom calls.” Empathizing is how I can uphold and strengthen our Relational Resilience.
My hope is that by using these skills, I am at least providing some stability, safety, and clarity for her in her ‘non-work’ life. It is hard to remain Centered when your partner is experiencing difficulty, but it is possible to use your own Centeredness and the Connecting Skills to offer them some strength and help them regain their own Center.
Yours in service,