Noticing Others…even before 7 am.
I am a morning person, but my husband Steve is not. So when the garbage truck came early this morning and woke us up, my brain set off thinking about all the things we need to do today to prepare for a busy weekend. When I saw my husband stir, I used it as an opportunity to launch into all the tasks to get done this afternoon. Until I noticed his tight mouth and grim face.
Using the Connecting Skill of Noticing Others, I realized I had made a big mistake. My happiness at being well prepared and thinking ahead was not being similarly received. By Noticing Others–namely, Steve, I could stop before I dug the hole between us even deeper. And by pausing and being Curious rather than being frustrated, I realized that we needed another agreement in our house.
Since Steve is a night person, and a super energetic and curious one, he regularly comes up with all sorts of ideas late at night. Which he wants to share with me…when I am too tired to listen. After 30 years of dealing with this tension, we finally developed an agreement that really helps our marriage (and makes us both laugh):
No new ideas after 10 pm.
By Noticing Steve this morning, we developed a new agreement:
No new ideas before 7 am. 😂
With Resilience,
Meri and the Dovetail Learning Team