Life, by definition, throws us curve balls. These past two years, we have faced a lot of curveballs. If, in December 2019, someone had asked me to rank “100 things to worry about” I would have put “global pandemic that shuts down life as we know it for months at a time and never seems to go away” really far down on the list. And yet, here we are.
Finding our Center when we feel depleted, when our stressors pile on each other, can be very difficult. But I can tell you, having a set of skills to practice and to draw upon really does help. The Centering Skill of Positive Reframing helps me to see the world differently, and I can feel that difference in my body. When an advisor suggested that I needed to take steps that would hurt my staff, I admit I reacted badly. My Protective Patterns came out. Defending? Attacking? Maybe all of them. It was an uncomfortable blur. But after I used the Centering Skill of Noticing Myself ( Meri—-your reaction is not helping!), I could move into the Centering Skill of Positive Reframing: This conflict is actually a time for us to learn more about each other and share our values. Use the opportunity for growth!
It was amazing how I could move from a tense, unhappy place to a more Centered place, just by changing the story I was telling myself to a more empowering one. Research has shown that reframing techniques can actually change our physical responses to stress because our body’s stress response is triggered by perceived stress more often than actual events. With this new narrative in my head, my body calmed down, and I could have a much more productive conversation with my advisor. We could make progress on what we need to do, together.
An important caveat is always to ask others for permission before suggesting a Positive Reframe on their problems. No one wants to be told that their problems don’t matter. But sometimes, after someone has shared their struggles and received Heartfelt Listening and Empathizing from you, they are open to hearing, “Would it be helpful to hear a Positive Reframe on that?”
Like most skills, Positive Reframing comes more easily when we have practiced it. Maybe start small: coffee machine broke down? —> It will be nice to stop at the coffee shop on the way to work. Cranky patient yelling at you? —>The patient is getting the care they really need.
Positive Reframing may not solve all the world’s problems, but it can help us be more Centered as we work the solutions we need, together.
In Resilience,
Meri