Feeling our feelings lets us know how life is working for us. On a good day, we feel the joy of love and Relational Resilience.
But what about those down days? Recently, I was noticing how critical I was of the fact that I was feeling down. Like, “Oh, wow, I hate it when I do this. Haven’t I learned enough to stop feeling bad about myself?” Noticing this gave me an important insight into my emotional regulation.
I have to feel what I feel without judgment!
This is the wisdom of modern research and the perennial wisdom going back to Buddha. When I notice my emotions and pause long enough to feel them without judgment, 1) my emotions give me important information from my body, and 2) I feel more whole and that transforms me.
Emotional Intelligence is very simply “the intelligence of our emotions.” When I was Noticing Myself and then listened to my “down” feelings, I realized that I was feeling bad because I had not completed some work I had promised someone. That motivated me into completing my project, which made me feel better about myself.
Dr. Ellen Langren, a renowned Harvard psychologist who studies mindfulness, says that when we notice and accept what we notice we live more authentically and when we are more authentic, we feel better about ourselves.
Noticing Myself is the first Centering Skill we teach in our We Are Resilient™ approach and I think it the most important. When I notice myself, it helps me to stay grounded in what I am feeling and what I may need next!