Protective Patterns Overview

Learn how Protective Patterns work in our life.

We all develop Protective Patterns, habitual reactions that can block our ability to center, connect, or collaborate. We identify these reactions as Protective Patterns because we develop them to create safety for ourselves. Common patterns include Distrusting, Hypervigilance, Hyper-caretaking, Avoiding, Defending, and Attacking. (Add links) These patterns can help keep us safe, but they are also harmful in the wrong context or if overused. Once we start noticing our own patterns, we can more effectively assess when those reactions are useful, and when they get in our way. It paves the way for us to practice and strengthen our resilience skills.

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How to Practice-Model-Coach
Protective Patterns

Practice:

Notice how and when you experience your own stress, especially in difficult situations with others. Recognize when and how you use Protective Patterns. When you use one, such as Avoiding or Hyper-Caretaking, ask yourself, “Is this helping or harming me or others?”
If you are using a Protective Pattern that is not helpful, remind yourself that we all do that sometimes. It is important for you to have self-compassion for yourself for your mistakes, even as you strive to respond with more Resilience over time.

Model:

Notice the impact of your own stress on those you care about.
When you realize you are using a Protective Pattern, choose a Centering Skill. Name the pattern and the skill you used for those around you. “I am sorry I was attacking you. As soon as I noticed, I started Breathing Mindfully and I calmed down.”

Coach:

Help others name and claim their Protective Patterns, so they can see the impact. “Are you being Hypervigilant with your friends? It seems you might be missing out on fun with them. Which Centering Skill could you choose to help?”