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Pause. Breathe. You Belong

This week, our team met in person (what a treat!), and an interesting theme emerged during our Heart Check-in. In this part of our meeting, each team member starts with the Centering Skill of Noticing Myself and then shares how they are showing up—the good, the hard, and everything in between. A powerful theme came up around the feeling of belonging. Everyone in the meeting—and many others we know—struggles with feeling like they don’t belong in some way. This resonated deeply with me because it’s a recurring theme in my life.

In any gathering, I may seem confident, but my negative inner dialogue often tells me I’m not really part of the group or that I don’t belong. In these moments, my Protective Pattern shows up as Distrusting. Just last week at a potluck, I found myself looking around and feeling out of place—even though it was a gathering of my husband and our friends! Using the Centering Skill of Noticing Myself, I paused to check in and become curious about my feelings. I asked myself:

  • What am I feeling in this moment?
  • Where in my body do I feel it?

It seems simple, but just pausing when that feeling of not belonging crept in allowed me to step back

, assess it, and decide whether it was serving me or not. So far, every time I have paused and evaluated my negative inner dialogue, those negative words have never served me! After pausing and checking in with myself, I could look around the potluck and see my connections with everyone. I could see how feeling like I was not a part of the group came from old voices within and not from my friends, and I moved back into the joy of being with people. 

Because I don’t know when these moments will arise, I practice the Centering Skill of Noticing Myself daily. While I sip my tea each morning, I do a mini-scan of myself. I start at my toes and slowly work my way up through my body, asking: What am I feeling? I pause for just a minute on any area, whether physically or emotionally that stands out, and I allow myself to be curious and acknowledge it. 

This daily practice makes it easier for me to access the skill more readily at moments like a potluck or any other gathering.

I hope that if you ever struggle with feelings of not belonging, you can pause, be curious with yourself, and explore your feelings.  I hope this leads you to notice how much you truly do belong.

With Resilience,
Kristie and the Dovetail Team

Learn more about the We Are Resilient Mindsets, Skills, and Patterns here. 

Practice with others in our online courses or in our  free community.

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