When October rolls around, it feels like every store, school, and neighborhood transforms overnight — pumpkins on porches, skeletons in windows, mini candy bars in every bowl. Halloween, followed by Día de los Muertos, paints our calendar in orange and marigold. It’s a season of costumes, candles, and community celebrations.
But here’s something worth remembering: not every family joins in the same way, and that’s totally okay.
Take my family, for example. When I was young, my mom would always help me make a lovely costume to wear at school, but then in the evening, while the neighborhood was gearing up for trick-or-treating, we spent the evening doing something different, maybe a movie night, a board game marathon, or baking cookies together. Halloween just isn’t a very important part of our family tradition, and we found our own cozy way to spend the night. There may have been occasional trick or treating, but my fond memories of Halloween involve dreaming up the costume and then sewing it with my mom. This year, we spent the weekend with my parents, and honestly didn’t even consider that it was Halloween. It was just a peaceful family weekend at the beach.
Then there’s my partner, Oscar, and his family. They honor their loved ones in small, personal ways, but Día de los Muertos isn’t a big, decorated affair in their homes. While some families build colorful altars and host gatherings, Oscar’s family might light a candle or share a favorite story instead. When he was growing up in Mexico, his family would often take a bus ride to visit his grandparents in Uruapan, and they enjoyed walking downtown to see the celebration and buy sugar skulls for snacking, but they didn’t feel strongly connected to the tradition. Their way is quieter, but no less meaningful.
Our Cultural Patterns are unique to us. They are not always aligned with those of our friends and neighbors. Every family carries its own rhythm which is shaped by faith, history, personal preference, or just what feels right. And that’s the beauty of community. Our differences don’t divide us, they make the world a more interesting, understanding place.
So whether you’re carving pumpkins, setting out marigolds, or simply enjoying a peaceful evening, there’s no single “right” way to celebrate this season. What matters most is honoring what feels true to you. Our Cultural Patterns shape our traditions—but we get to decide how those traditions evolve.
What traditions feel most life-giving to you this season, and how might you make them your own? Consider how you honor your own traditions as we move into the winter months!
With resilience,
Emily and the Dovetail Learning team
Learn more about Cultural Patterns and Choice!