Sometimes we learn as much from what we don’t say as from what we do—especially if we pause to reflect afterward.
This morning, my friend Maeve mentioned she was buying a car. When asked if it would be new or used, she quickly said, “New.” She drives long distances to visit friends and family, so it made sense to her.
I know her budget is tight, and I was tempted to jump in with my opinion, “You should buy used.” After all, cars lose value the moment they leave the lot. But Maeve’s mind seemed made up, and I knew my advice wasn’t likely to persuade her. So I stayed quiet—though I kept worrying.
Later, I realized my story would have served far better than a “should.” In the past 25 years, we’ve bought three new cars. Two were totaled quickly, forcing us into low-mileage used replacements that were better equipped and less expensive. Those experiences taught me a lot—but they were my lessons, not Maeve’s.
And truthfully, even though I loved both those used cars, I’m not committed to purchasing used next time. I also understand the joy of owning something brand-new. That’s why it wasn’t my place to tell her what to do. Sharing my story would have honored both her wisdom and my own.
Coaching works the same way. Stories create connection and invite reflection. “Shoulds” shut doors while stories open them. They let others draw on our experience while making their own choices. That’s what I’m practicing: offering stories, not prescriptions.
How might sharing a story—rather than giving advice—open a new door for connection in your life this week?
With resilience,
Meri and the Dovetail Learning team
P.S.S. Rather than telling others to use the We Are Resilient approach, we encourage sharing it through the Practice-Model-Coach method, which means we practice it ourselves first so we can model and coach others more authentically.
P.S. If you’d like to explore how culture shapes what we think we “should” do, take a look at Cultural Patterns.