Growing up, my family didn’t take extravagant vacations or live lavishly—but we had everything we needed. We had a roof over our heads, healthy food on the table, and parents who worked hard to provide for us. My mom worked in retail, my dad was a school custodian, and they both had a work ethic that instilled a deep sense of pride in me. We were a working-class family, and while we pinched our pennies, we never went for want and were happy.
When my parents passed away—both far too young, in their mid-60s—my sister and I unexpectedly received money from the sale of their house. They had never talked about “leaving a legacy,” and they never got the chance to enjoy retirement, or check off the “someday I will…” list of dreams I know they held. One of those dreams my mom had was travel—something she never really got to do.
So, in their honor, this spring I took my family on a trip to Italy. We filled our days with beauty, history, and as much caprese salad as we could find. It was an incredible experience—one I know my parents would have celebrated for us. And yet… When we came home, I found myself feeling guilty. Like I needed to justify the trip. “We could only afford it because my parents passed and we sold their home,” I’d explain. As if I had to prove that we weren’t “those kinds of people” who could just take off on adventures.
That guilt surprised me. It didn’t make sense, but it felt real. So I sat with it. I explored it. And what I uncovered was a mix of grief and Cultural Patterns–old narratives about what kind of life I “should” live.
The truth is, my parents would have loved that their grandchildren got to see a part of the world they never could. And while the sadness of their absence traveled with me, so did a deep sense of gratitude—for the lives they lived, the lessons they taught me, and the love they gave.
Often, the path to resilience winds through uncomfortable places. Grief. Guilt. Joy. All tangled together. And when we give ourselves the space to feel it all, to untangle those knots, we often discover something tender and true waiting underneath.
Resilience isn’t about cutting away the hard feelings—it’s about gently loosening the knots they create within us. When we sit with discomfort, approach it with curiosity, and slowly begin to untangle the strands, we make space for healing. What once felt tight and overwhelming can begin to soften. So I invite you to pause and ask yourself:
Is there a knot within you—a feeling you’ve been avoiding—that might be ready to be gently held and unraveled?
With Resilience,
Kristie and the Dovetail Team
P.S. Exploring Cultural Patterns is about uncovering the “shoulds” we’ve inherited and deciding which ones still fit. (Spoiler: not all of them do!) If my story struck a chord, come learn with us. The We Are Resilient community is full of curious, compassionate people untangling old stories and making space for new ones. We’d love to have you with us.