I had my oldest son at 24, in the thick of figuring out who I was and who I wanted to become. I remember many times in my life thinking, “When do we finish growing up?”Honestly, I’m not sure we ever do. Each year, each decade, seems to offer a new lesson, a new version of myself.
My oldest son lived at home his first two years of college. Now, as he prepares to move out for the final stretch, I find myself on the edge of another identity shift. While there’s excitement in reclaiming space (hello, home office!), there’s also a not-so-quiet tug in my heart. His birth was the moment I became more than just Kristie. I became Emmit’s mom. That identity took root in an instant, and while I’ll always be his mother, the shape of that role continues to evolve.
Our younger son will be a senior next year, with plans to move away soon after. My husband and I are beginning to imagine a home without kids. It’s exciting. It’s unsettling. And it’s calling me to reflect deeply on who I am now.
One of the most complex and most beautiful parts of this season is learning how to let go. As much as I want to protect, guide, and stay close, I know the most loving thing I can do is step back and make room for their autonomy. Their mistakes, their triumphs, and their choices—are all theirs to make. Letting go doesn’t mean loving less; it means trusting that we’ve planted strong roots and allowing our kids to grow into who they are meant to be, not who we imagined for them.
What happens when the roles we’ve clung to shift? What rises in their place?
As I navigate this shift, I’m realizing how much I need to lean on contributing intentionally. To show up with presence and purpose as I reimagine what this next chapter holds. This next chapter will stir up old Cultural Patterns and new possibilities. I know that all of us will likely stumble as we go, and that’s exactly where the real learning begins.
I know I need to stay grounded, curious, and open. And I know I’m not alone. Whether you’re launching kids into adulthood, changing careers, or simply asking deeper questions, identity is not fixed—it’s fluid.
Just like our kids, we’re still discovering who we want to be when we grow up.
What parts of your identity are shifting? Where do you need to stay curious, and what do you need to let go of?
Warmly,
Kristie and the Dovetail Team
Shifting From Mom to Finding Me Again
